So your teen’s wanting to go on a date…
Many of us as parents have thought about how we would react when our teen announces that they are ‘going on a date.’ For some, they’ll be excited that their teen is ready to undertake more adult responsibilities. For others (probably most of us), it’s a dreaded moment full of nervousness, worry and fear. Whatever side of the spectrum you fall on, remember that it is normal for your teen to start exploring romantic relationships and it is actually quite important for their emotional development. Here’s some information to give you a helping hand.
01
The dreaded teen romance
Dating over the years has changed A LOT. The social media age has made it more difficult for parents to truly know what they’re children are up to. Surprisingly, teens are actually dating less than ever before. This may be due to the less defined nature of romantic relationships, changing culture where different life goals are now prioritised, or the fact that we live quite a lot longer than we used to! Still, it’s important to remember that most adolescents become intrigued by the concept of dating at some point during high school and university… even if they don’t clearly express this to you. So, even if you dread the teen romance, remind yourself that this is a normal part of growing up and can actually help your teen mature emotionally and socially.
02
Building relationship skills is essential for a successful life
Yes, you heard it here… dating can help set your teen up for success. How, you ask? Well, when your teen decides to enter the dating scene they’re putting themselves in new and challenging situations. For example, the risk of rejection, communicating their feelings to someone else, challenging unrealistic expectations, learning about physical and emotional boundaries, and understanding their moral compass. So, even if the experience does end up in heartbreak or disappointment, know that your teen is developing essential skills not only for romantic relationships but also for other important areas of life.
03
The awkward chat
Talking to your teen about sex can be awkward as a parent. However, dating is a great opportunity to have a natural conversation about sex as well as dating etiquette. Who doesn't want their teen to put their best foot forward? Here are a few topics that should be discussed when your teen starts dating:
Consent and safe sex
Honouring their partner’s feelings
Behaving respectfully on a date
What does a healthy and unhealthy relationship look like
Creating boundaries
Online dating and sexting
By having these conversations and listening to your teen, they will feel comfortable sharing more openingly with you as they navigate this new terrain. If comfortable, share your personal experiences so they know that you understand what they are going through. Remember, your teen might start dating someone that you think isn’t a good match for them. Yes, it can be scary but we encourage you to love them no matter what and create a space where they can talk openly to you about their experiences.
04
How many rules are too many rules?
Every teen is different… it is important to make sure you are adapting your parenting style to suit each child’s needs. Particularly, some teens may start dating earlier than others and this will affect how you parent them as you navigate these new relationships together. In some cases (based on your child’s maturity as well), you may be able to give them more privacy to make their own decisions. In other cases, you might set more rules around where and when they can see their romantic partner (e.g., twice a week, not in their bedroom, at public places, and at your family home). Once again, these decisions are dependent on age and maturity. It is important to remind your teen that you trust them and their decisions. One way you can show them trust is by loosening set boundaries when you see fit or as you develop a genuine connection with their partner. This can help your teen feel respected, open up to you if needed and influence them into making good decisions.
05
Navigating the breakup
Breakups are rough and statistically most people experience a break up (or a few) in their lifetime. Your first breakup can be challenging and can cause a great amount of grief for your teen. For most of us, you can vividly remember your first love and breakup. It can be a significant step in an individual’s life and personal growth. We encourage you to read “nNavigating The Grieving Process With Your Teen” to find some tips and tricks for supporting them.